Dolev the Tour Guide
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Definitely date a female climber


 
 

Inspired by Adi Zarsadias’ “Don’t date a girl who travels” (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/adi-zarsadias/dont-date-a-girl-who-travels_b_4704794.html) and by Brendan Leonard’s semi-rad blogs (especially http://semi-rad.com/2013/04/how-to-get-your-new-boyfriendgirlfriend-to-hate-your-sport/) and by personal experiences, it is obvious that anyone dating a female climber should only be so lucky. Dating a female climber opens up a brand new world of possibilities for either the climber or the non-climber significant other (but mostly for the non-climber) that quite quickly become necessities of ease. Oh yes, you’ll soon find out that you certainly need them.

Dating a female climber means that your days of risking your life on a ladder to get something from the back of the top shelf of the kitchen cabinets are over. Your girlfriend will climb up on the kitchen counter and will easily reach the desired object. Or, if you’re a climber and already do this on a regular basis, your girlfriend would not oppose to it and will be there to spot you if need be.

Dating a female climber means that your days of waiting for a girl to get ready to go out are over. If going to an outdoor picnic, she’ll choose her clothes by smell. If going to the city, she’ll quickly choose one of the only three possibilities she owns. For her hair, she will simply run her fingers through it and then gather it up in a ponytail. No combs or brushes needed. And as far as makeup goes, her cheeks are naturally reddened by the daily dose of sun she gets that she doesn’t even own any blush. Maybe, just maybe, she’ll put on some mascara because she has another minute to spare (that is, if the tube hasn’t dried out.) Chances are that she will be waiting on you to get ready. Beware: She will also most likely make fun of you for taking so long.

Sometimes, she won’t take a shower and she won’t shave her legs, and she wouldn’t mind it if you did the same. And she’d still smell good.

She’ll eat and truly enjoy any food that you make for her. Anything.

She’ll go out climbing with her friends, sometimes for days, and she will leave you to do as you wish. She may be out of service for days at a time, but as soon as she gets a bit of reception she’ll send you a picture from her perch. If you don’t reply right away, she’ll understand because she knows that you also have a life. Most importantly, she trusts you to be honest and faithful to her, as she is most definitely to you.

And between all of her climbing days, she’ll still be able to hold a reputable full-time job or run her own business. She’s a natural problem-solver, she’s inspired and determined, and when she puts her mind to something, she goes out and gets it, just as she conquers the crux of a hard climbing route.

Once you have gotten to know each other, you will find that the best present you can give her for her birthday or for Valentine’s Day or just because is a rock – like a nice piece of sandstone or granite or something. Warning: you might get the same present from her. Surprising as it might be to you, she will treasure that rock much more than showering her with diamond jewels.

So go out there and ask a female climber out on a date. (Side note: if you’re not a climber, stay that way – see follow-up article, “Don’t date a guy who climbs;” if you are a climber, make sure the girl does not see you climb). Now go see what you have been missing!

Author’s note: I’d like to thank all of my climbing partners over the years for teaching me about climbing, life, and everything in-between. I’d also like to thank and apologize for each and every male climber who is still willing to belay me. For the non-climbers out there – you’re welcome.