September 18, 2020

Definitely date a female climber

Anyone dating a climber who is female should only be so lucky. Unlike dating male climbers, dating a female climber opens up a brand new world of possibilities. Especially non-climbers soon find the necessities they have been missing. FYI: This post was inspired by Adi Zarsadias’ “Don’t date a girl who travels” and by Brendan Leonard’s semi-rad blogs.

Dating a female climber means that your days of risking your life on a ladder are over. Need something from the back of the top shelf of your kitchen cabinet? Your girlfriend will climb up on the kitchen counter to reach the desired object with ease. If you’re a climber who already does this on a regular basis, your girlfriend would not oppose. On the contrary, she will be there to spot you if need be.

Dating a female climber means that your days of waiting on a girl to get ready to go out are over. If going to an outdoor picnic, she’ll choose her clothes by smell. If going to the city, she’ll quickly choose one of the only three possibilities she owns. For her hair, she will simply run her fingers through it and then gather it up in a ponytail. No combs or brushes needed. And as far as makeup goes, she doesn’t own any blush. Her cheeks are naturally reddened by the daily dose of sun she gets. Maybe, just maybe, she’ll put on some mascara because she has a minute to spare. That is, if the tube hasn’t dried out. Chances are that she will be waiting on you to get ready. Beware: She will also most likely make fun of you for taking so long.

woman climbing crack in red sandstone
Dating a climber who is female means showing off photos like this to your friends

Sometimes, she won’t take a shower and she won’t shave her legs. She wouldn’t mind it if you did the same. And she’d still smell good.

She’ll eat and truly enjoy any food that you make for her. Anything.

She’ll go out climbing with her friends, sometimes for days, and she will leave you to do as you wish. She may be out of service for days at a time. Not to worry, as soon as she gets a bit of reception she’ll send you a picture from her perch. If you don’t reply right away, she’ll understand because she knows that you also have a life. Most importantly, she trusts you to be honest and faithful to her, as she is most definitely to you.

Between all of her climbing days, she’ll still hold a reputable full-time job or run her own business. She’s a natural problem-solver, inspired and determined. Just like conquering the crux of a hard climbing route, when she puts her mind to something, she goes out and gets it.

Once you have gotten to know each other, you will find that the best present you can give her for her birthday or for Valentine’s Day or just because is a rock – like a nice piece of sandstone or granite or something. Warning: you might get the same present from her. Surprising as it might be to you, she will treasure that rock much more than showering her with diamond jewels.

So go out there and ask a female climber out on a date. Side note: if you’re not a climber, stay that way. See follow-up article, “Don’t date a guy who climbs”. If you are a male climber, make sure the girl does not know that you climb. Now go see what you’ve been missing!

Author’s note: I’d like to thank all of my climbing partners over the years for teaching me about climbing, life, and everything in-between. I’d also like to thank and apologize for each and every male climber who is still willing to belay me. For the non-climbers out there – you’re welcome.

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